Need Help on Confidence

[Sue J]

Need help with husband-We had a long talk after Jett's last session and I asked him why he didn't seem to want to work her. I work her 3-4 times as much as him and she's "supposed to be" his dog. Even though the trainer has told him several times what to do, he said that he didn't really know what to do sometimes so he does nothing. At first I thought it was passive-aggressive, but I'm not so sure now. I think he just might be embarrassed in front of the trainer. I tried to put it in terms of "what would you do with a 2 year old that tried to boss you around"? He said he wasn't like me, that I just take her and go. I told him I figured if I made a mistake I'd learn to correct it because she'd show me what I was doing wasn't working and I believed in doing what I was instructed to do. I also think there may be a big difference in our philosophies. For example, the trainer reminded him to treat Jett for sitting and it was important to reinforce wanted behaviors. His response was "she should get a treat just because she is". Later in the session, the trainer said Jett was doing fine if we could just get our act together. Boy do I understand now that trainers have more work to do with humans than the dogs! At this point, I just don't know what to do to get through to him and it's not fair to Jett. Any thoughts or advice?

[Dobs4ever]

Sue - you are a real trooper and I admire your committment. Dogs are easy - husbands are pretty much a lost cause. If he does not want to do it then there is probably not much you can say or do that will help change it. You can ask him if he wants to be able to work with Jett and try to find out what would motivate him or why he is not motivated but doubt you will change it.

Just continue to work with Jett and possibly as he sees you both succeed and the trainer is out of the picture maybe then he will say "Hey show me how" One can only hope. I have found it is just better to let hubby do his own thing. My dogs have all survived it and I know he would not do anything to harm them He just won't listen to me on how to do it correctly but they do have their own form of obedience and it works for him. It has never messed me up in the ring so I just gave up on him following instruction from anyone.

[Big Dogs]

Sue dog trainers have a harder time with people then they do dogs. Here are a few things that I have tried with clients in the past maybe one will work for you. Have the trainer work with you one at a time with out the other being there, he may not ask questions because he doesn't want to look foolish in your eyes. I know male ego but it does happen. Remind him that your both paying hard earned money so that Jett will listen to you both equally and he is actually not helping jett if he doesn't participate. Again this is hard for me to say sometimes you have to massage the male ego thing for them to participate so ask him to watch you and see if he thinks you are doing anything wrong. I know ladies its hard to do sometimes.LOL And dobes4ever we are not all a lost cause we sometimes have the ability to learn maybe slow sometimes but we do. LOL Sometimes trainers have to force and unwilling spouse to participate by just handing them the leash and saying begin do not give them the option of saying no. This is another of those unfortunate scenarios that sometimes arise. Let him know if he didn't make mistakes with jett he wouldn't need a trainer and it's better to make the mistakes than to not even try. Good luck Sue be persistent it will pay off in the end.

[Dobs4ever]

ooooops!! Sorry Big Dogs - I certainly did not mean ALL husbands - Aand yes you can teach the dog in 5 or 10 minutes the people take much longer. Gosh and I certainly did not mean to show my chauvanistic side. It just slipped right out. 5 lashes with a wet noodle.

I guess I just listen to many couples argue and fight over the training so working with each separately is better than working with them together - Excellent suggestion.

[Sue J]

I'm glad to know we aren't the only couple like this. I think I will talk to the trainer. I had to run some errands yesterday evening and when I came back he told me he'd worked with Jett and how it went. Maybe separate is the key for him. I don't care if he watches me, I sure ain't bashful when it comes to that part. As I ponder our life now with dogs (the beagles and the dobe), I think some it might also be that I think working with them is fun. I think he sees it as another "to do". I celebrate with them, he says "ok".

[Sue J]

Talked with trainer yesterday and she had John take Jett away from me to work her. I could still see, but the distance made a huge difference. It was :cool: watching them together!

[Dobs4ever]

Sue It has been my experience that husbands and wives train differently or have a different opinion on everything - plus the one watching tends to criticize the one working (I know they are trying to help but they tend to correct everything) It is so much easier to watch someone else and see their mistakes than your own. Glad you are all making progress. Sounds like you are on a good track.

[Big Dogs]

Sue learned about separate training not long after starting to train. Some people just don't like to be watched by there spouses for what ever reason, all that matters is he is now also training which is great. I think you guys are doing fine by the sounds of it and you will see a big pay off in the end if you stick to it ( which I know you will ) good for you guys! Just remember no question is a stooped question keep us up to date with jett's progress and yours.

[Sue J]

We're already half way through our class and I think it really has made a difference. Well worth the $! There is still so much I want to learn and I'm there isn't enough time. I might ask about intermediate level next. We'll see. I wish I wasn't 2 hrs. one way from a club. Sometimes I feel like I'm out here alone. Oh well that's one of the trade offs of living in the country I guess.